Out of the Ashes, There Is Hope

“Choosing recovery from sex addiction has been the best decision I have ever made for me, my family, God and my legacy. I spent 40 years acting out and letting myself get carried away by impulses, objectification, fantasy, and my own lies. But through God’s grace, I’ve … had the opportunity to turn around, look back at my life, realize what was at risk of losing, and open my eyes to redefine my values and priorities in life. Through recovery, I have made great progress towards accepting and loving who I am including my past. Not being so hard on myself. Give love, kindness and be present for whom is really important in my life. Recovery has given me much more than sobriety. It has help me be a better version of myself“ Read more

— JHM

“The power of the 12 steps.
In my addiction to selfishness and specifically selfish sexual behavior I could not see or hear the needs of my wife and children.  Although I was present at work, I was not … productive therefore wasting company resources and the God given talents I had to provide for my family.
I had three “D” Days, otherwise known as Discovery Days, where all my dirty laundry that I thought I was hiding so well is exposed.  My last D day gave me the motivation for recovery for myself, not my wife, marriage, children, business, and reputation.  I found the 12 steps of AA and through the love, devotion and instruction of a sponsor I worked the 12 steps for Sex Addicts Anonymous.  
In working the 12 steps I returned control of my life to my creator God and his son Jesus Christ, my savior and redeemer.  Steps 1-3, I relieved myself of control and allowed God to steer my ship and direct my paths.  Steps 4-9, by Gods power, hand, direction and Holy Spirit I cleaned house.  I discovered my character defects, allowed God to reduce them.  I will always have flaws because of my sinful nature; I now have a connection to God to help me when my selfishness and self-centeredness flair.  He is my shield.  Steps 10-12 now keep me connected to God and to His sons who are still suffering, who need help, and who want to know about what God did for me what I could not do for myself.
I now get to think clearly.  I know I am loved, I am worthy of love, I am lovable, I am worthy and able to love others well.  I am now honest and seek to tell the truth when in addiction I was a liar, I didn’t know the truth from the false.  Now because of God working in me I am not afraid of the truth.
I am grateful for the 12 steps of SAA for connecting me to God and God bringing me back from the land of the dead.“ Read more

— BB

“My discovery date was December 14, 2020. After almost 15 years of marriage—13 of them filled with pain and confusion—I finally realized that nothing was “wrong” with me; the problem had always been with my husband. It was a moment of overwhelming heartbreak, shock, … and disbelief—one I hope never to experience again.
My first reaction was to tell him to leave the house. But he said, “Please, no. I need help.”
My confusion wasn’t only about whether I should help him—it was also about our son. What would I tell him? How do you explain that your family has been destroyed in an instant?
What I didn’t know at the time was that the most painful moment was still ahead: the full disclosure. That day terrified me. I looked at the man I had lived with for 15 years and thought, “Oh my gosh… I’m standing in front of a stranger—and that stranger is the father of my son.”
The grief ran deep. It wasn’t only the betrayal. It was realizing that I had also lost my best friend.
I had decided to divorce him. I even called a close friend to ask for his lawyer’s contact. He said, “Think about whether this is truly your only option. Divorce can be more painful than what you’re going through now. If your life and your son’s life are not in danger, think twice.”
His words scared me, and for the sake of my son, I decided to give my husband one last chance—but with two conditions:
1. He had to commit 100% to recovery.
2. If he relapsed even once, he would leave the house and explain everything to our son himself.
He began recovery immediately, and now he is about to celebrate five years of sobriety. I can hardly believe I’m even writing those words. I remember his counselor telling us that year six is an important milestone because research shows the risk of relapse drops significantly. Five years ago, “year six” felt impossible. Now that we are just one year away, I realize that the number itself doesn’t matter. Recovery is a lifelong, daily commitment.
I have seen so many positive changes in my husband. Even the way he speaks to me, looks at me, and interacts with me is different. I can feel his love. His humor is different. His presence is calmer and more intentional. I genuinely enjoy being around him again.
Don’t get me wrong—we still have ups and downs. But the lows are less frequent now, and they last hours rather than weeks. I still have fears, nightmares, and questions, but those too have softened with time.
I am not sharing this testimony to tell anyone what they should do. Every story is different. My story is simply an example of hope.
And hope is only possible when love, discipline, honesty, and commitment are present—on both sides.“ Read more

— Spouse Testimony